The traditional transition from being single, to becoming a couple and then to being a parent typically takes place against a workplace backdrop of increasing job responsibilities and aspirations for career progression.
I don’t think that there is a right time to have a baby (within a woman’s typical problem-free fertile child-bearing years), due to the complicated personal choices associated with issues such as time, money, career aspirations and financial status, so let’s stop over-analyzing for a little while and focus on some of the ways that becoming a parent can enhance your interpersonal and management skills.
Spoiler alert: The tiny baby stage is grueling, physically…but the best opportunities for personal growth will come as your children get bigger, develop an innate and forensic capability to identify your weaknesses and “hot buttons” and use this knowledge to pull a fast one on you on a daily basis..
As a mom of 3 young children and a job that involves travel, working long hours, and being available for conference calls when either I or my European colleagues are in our PJs, here are the first four of my personal observations on how having children has enhanced my management skills.
1. I’ve improved my organizational skills and time management
Many of my friends and colleagues are either terrified or impressed by the fact that I have a 6-month rolling calendar which pretty-much defines what I need to achieve on a week-by-week basis to meet my longer-term work objectives, and which defines day-by-day what each child is doing (they do a lot of sport). I also have all of the children’s school holidays, appointments and activities blocked out in my calendar so that I can set people’s expectations about my availability.
Sometimes I feel pretty downhearted by the fact that my life is so timetabled, but since my firm pays me to deliver end results and my family relies on me to keep the household machinery and kiddy logistics running and still have time and energy left over for fun stuff, parties, homework, exam prep, cuddles and bedtime stories, it’s very useful for me to map things out on a big planner.
Having this all written down is an asset for my ENTJ personality type. My time is under my control; I know where I have gaps and flexibility and I can articulate to my manager how my plans for delivering on an already-challenging set of targets will be impacted if he throws an urgent and important into the mix at short notice –thereby developing another important skillset; that of managing your boss.
Sadly, despite all of this planning, I do often end up working and taking calls when I’m supposed to be on holiday. I keep this to a minimum, but there are some things that can be kept spinning while I’m out of the office if I give them a little touch, and this actually results in less stress for me. So I’m not saying it’s all perfect; I still need to work on feeling able to leave my laptop and Blackberry behind when I’m supposed to be having some downtime. I’ll keep you posted on this particular challenge.
2. I’m better at time management and prioritization
In addition to the overall plan, I am becoming increasingly protective of my working hours and ruthless about time management and meetings. I HAVE to leave to collect my children, and there’s a ton of stuff I need to get done before the end of the working day. If something is not essential to my role or my objectives, it’s going to stay at the bottom of my “to do” list until someone can tell me why I should move it up my priority list.
It’s not been easy, and it’s contrary to my nature, but I have developed the habit of identifying the “one big thing” that I should do but could quite easily put off doing because it’s difficult or unpleasant, and force myself to do this as soon as I get to my desk, often before I’ll allow myself the pleasure of that first morning coffee.
It really focuses my mind, and once I’ve got that job out of the way, I can focus better on getting other things done without “the one big thing” nagging me at the back of my mind and distracting me from the other things I need to do.
3. I'm better at relationship-building, have an awareness of other industries and feel part of a wider family
In my personal mommy network (people I like and know well enough to go out for coffee or dinner with) I know a choreographer & stage manager of international music, dance and fashion shows, several police officers, lawyers, specialist nurses and medical doctors, some owners of WOSBs, a couple of CFOs, an M&A expert and the general manager of a flagship department store.
The kids are a great leveler. We’ve bonded through many seasons of watching soccer, football, track and field, gymnastics and swimming events, through all kinds of weather: all bundled up in numerous layers with our thermos cups of steaming coffee, or in shorts and tees, slapping sunblock onto any passing child in need of a touch-up. I get a chance to learn about the issues facing them in their daily work and personal lives and how they deal with them.
Having this wider business perspective enhances my ability to apply a more holistic approach to challenges I face at work, as well as allowing me put my own problems into perspective (anyone fancy being responsible for growing a store’s retail sales numbers when all the business papers paint a picture of declining consumer confidence and disposable income and the stockmarket is twitchy about company performance..?).
4. I have another sense of purpose and a new source of satisfaction
I know that if I’m stuck I can call on any one of the wonderful women in my mommy network to have one of my children tag along with theirs if I can’t get them to and from a training session or competition. And it works the other way, too…I’m relieved when I’m asked to do a favor (or my offer of help is accepted), as I feel that I am usually the one doing the asking! Expect other kids to be dropped round in the early hours in their jammies so that their mom can make it to the airport or train station, or to mind a neighbor’s sick child for a few hours so that she can attend a critical meeting.
I love the extended family we’ve built, with my kids’ friends literally treating me like part of the furniture, the bigger ones sprawling their gangly legs over mine on the sofa; the littler ones sharing my lap with my youngest.
And I know that the feelings of satisfaction I get from having a purpose outside of my day job actually has a positive effect on how I perform at work.
- Have you had the same experiences? Or are you still thinking about taking that step to parenthood?
S_G
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